It’s No Wonder I Walk Funny

I was just looking in my purse (affectionately dubbed The Black Hole) for my Memory stick. I had a hard time finding it. (I don't know about the rest of you purse-wielding Mommas, but every time I put something in my purse, it immediately falls to the bottom most inaccessable part of the purse. It's like there a special gravity just for purses.)

I had to pull out several things before I could get down to the level at which it may have been lurking. I had to take out more to peek in the hidey holes that designers think will help us organize our shit. I would have to say their pretty much highly-ineffective. So I thought, good time to clean up some of the detritus*. And as I pulled out this miraculous amount of purse stuff, I thought, ‘I gotta make a list.’ Am I the only one with this amount of weird stuff in my purse? (Note: this is my purse, not my knitting bag. That houses all sorts of its own kind of mysterious fun.)

• 1 Virgin cell phone (until 2 weeks ago, there were two phones)
• 1 dental floss (lemon flavoured Johnson & Johnson)
• 2 megabyte memory stick
• 5 lip stick type things
• --2 Revlon overtime colourstay
• --1 Maybelline moisture whip
• --1 Clinique lipgloss
• --1 Colour Factory lip gloss
• 1 Clinique eye shadow
• 1 Covergirl Professional mascara (but still applied by an amateur)
• Tweezers
• 2 perfumes
• --Clinique Happy
• --Clinique Par Amour
• 1 Tide Pen (those of you who have seen me eat understand why)
• 1 SanDisk reader (and cord)
• 3 pens
• 1 tire pressure gauge
• 1 lip balm (Blistex DCT)
• 1 pouch for camera disks
• 1 eye glasses case (with eye glasses and cloth)
• 2 cheque books
• 1 hotel sewing kit
• 2 tourist pins from Gagetown
• 1 hair clip
• 1 pill box (with only 1 Advil in it)
• 1 calendar (R&R Auto)
• 1 wallet
• 1 Avon Silicone Glove hand cream (no longer available)
• 1 orange plastic “signet” ring
• 1 1¢ stamp
• 1 set of keys
• 1 receipt for taxes
• 1 bottle Bach Rescue Remedy (I used to give it to the dog during fireworks freak outs. Go look at the site, the Hollywood Stars testimonials are hilarious.)
• 1 bottle Tea Tree oil
• 1 paper clip
• 1 broken key fob for M&M Meats
• 1 shirt button
• various mysterious "femme fatale" products

Weight: 4.5 lbs (without the dental floss which is sitting on my desk)

No whips
No chains
No knitting paraphernalia
No weapons (actually the keys could be used as a club)

Now, back before it had children, I had a tiny purse. Wallet, clip sun glasses. That's it. Not even a tissue. Now I've gone to Hell in a handbag. Although, if you look at that list, other than the ring, there isn't anything in there really for the kids. Perhaps I just quit lugging around my security blanket and replaced it with my purse. Therapy anyone?


* Just as a note, I’ve been saying detrius for at least 20 years. Who knew there was another T?!