Thursday, January 10, 2008

It’s No Wonder I Walk Funny

I was just looking in my purse (affectionately dubbed The Black Hole) for my Memory stick. I had a hard time finding it. (I don't know about the rest of you purse-wielding Mommas, but every time I put something in my purse, it immediately falls to the bottom most inaccessable part of the purse. It's like there a special gravity just for purses.)

I had to pull out several things before I could get down to the level at which it may have been lurking. I had to take out more to peek in the hidey holes that designers think will help us organize our shit. I would have to say their pretty much highly-ineffective. So I thought, good time to clean up some of the detritus*. And as I pulled out this miraculous amount of purse stuff, I thought, ‘I gotta make a list.’ Am I the only one with this amount of weird stuff in my purse? (Note: this is my purse, not my knitting bag. That houses all sorts of its own kind of mysterious fun.)

  • 1 Virgin cell phone (until 2 weeks ago, there were two phones)
  • 1 dental floss (lemon flavoured Johnson & Johnson)
  • 2 megabyte memory stick
  • 5 lip stick type things
  • --2 Revlon overtime colourstay
  • --1 Maybelline moisture whip
  • --1 Clinique lipgloss
  • --1 Colour Factory lip gloss
  • 1 Clinique eye shadow
  • 1 Covergirl Professional mascara (but still applied by an amateur)
  • Tweezers
  • 2 perfumes
  • --Clinique Happy
  • --Clinique Par Amour
  • 1 Tide Pen (those of you who have seen me eat understand why)
  • 1 SanDisk reader (and cord)
  • 3 pens
  • 1 tire pressure gauge
  • 1 lip balm (Blistex DCT)
  • 1 pouch for camera disks
  • 1 eye glasses case (with eye glasses and cloth)
  • 2 cheque books
  • 1 hotel sewing kit
  • 2 tourist pins from Gagetown
  • 1 hair clip
  • 1 pill box (with only 1 Advil in it)
  • 1 calendar (R&R Auto)
  • 1 wallet
  • 1 Avon Silicone Glove hand cream (no longer available)
  • 1 orange plastic “signet” ring
  • 1 1¢ stamp
  • 1 set of keys
  • 1 receipt for taxes
  • 1 bottle Bach Rescue Remedy (I used to give it to the dog during fireworks freak outs. Go look at the site, the Hollywood Stars testimonials are hilarious.)
  • 1 bottle Tea Tree oil
  • 1 paper clip
  • 1 broken key fob for M&M Meats
  • 1 shirt button
  • various mysterious "femme fatale" products

Weight: 4.5 lbs (without the dental floss which is sitting on my desk)

No whips
No chains
No knitting paraphernalia
No weapons (actually the keys could be used as a club)

Now, back before it had children, I had a tiny purse. Wallet, clip sun glasses. That's it. Not even a tissue. Now I've gone to Hell in a handbag. Although, if you look at that list, other than the ring, there isn't anything in there really for the kids. Perhaps I just quit lugging around my security blanket and replaced it with my purse. Therapy anyone?

* Just as a note, I’ve been saying detrius for at least 20 years. Who knew there was another T?!

No comments: